Men Are Jerks: June 2005

Monday, June 27, 2005

A Fish Needs A Bicycle

A gay man needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle.

The Art of Letting Go

Found this on the website about a book called "THE ART OF LETTING GO ~ The Journey from Separation in Love to Fulfillment in Life" by Carlino Giampolo. Gonna reproduce it here. This is gonna be a long and boring blog. Well, the beauty of it is, this is MY blog. Yeah! This is my shit:

THE ART OF LETTING GO

Love
Surround yourself with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages following a separation, it is to become your course of action when you realize that love is the key to your control of self and to the door that is opening toward your new reality. Love is what brought you into your relationship and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.
This decision to love must first take effect with reference to yourself and to the person from whom you are separating. You must love yourself for those qualities which brought you into the realm of that other person: your willingness to give of yourself and to take the risk of being hurt. And to love the other person in spite of the pain you are feeling is to allow that person the same freedom you will both need in order to move on. Love is a force that renews us and prepares us for tomorrow. Hatred is a shackle that keeps us tied to the past. Drop the shackles!
The one from whom you have separated will not soon be forgotten, though great distances may separate the two of you. Give the memory of that person the chance to help you by insisting on remembering the beautiful experiences that united you. The painful ones which separated you will need no coaxing from the memory. Turn your anger into love. Take the qualities you found in the other person and develop them in yourself, use them as a way of better experiencing your love for all the others who are important in your life. After all, those were qualities which brought you into love and they are no less worthy today.
Love has no guilt and no boundaries. In fact, it has no definition. Yes, it is the force which takes us out of ourselves so that we may share ourselves with others. Yet it is also the force that leads us into ourselves, so that we may understand and prepare ourselves for the act of giving. You cannot resolve the bitterness and pain of the separation you are experiencing by continuing to dwell on these feelings. Come alive with the force which is the essence of life itself. You are leaving one relationship, one stop in your journey. There is still a path before you. Walk in love.

Strength

Now that you have made the decision to let go, be constantly aware that you have within you the strength to carry out that decision in such a way that what lies ahead of you can only lead to success. Remember that it was your own fortitude which allowed you to face honestly the need for this separation. And your own inner resources provided you with the capacity for going through with the only course of action which could lead you to a meaningful direction for your life. You are now embarking on a time in your life when you will need to make other very difficult decisions. Be convinced that the same inner strength which has brought you this far will continue to enable you to take charge of your life.
It is natural for you to seek the help of loved ones and friends during this trying period. Such help, when offered, should be accepted and utilized by you with a sense of appreciation and love. Keep in mind, however, that the burden ultimately lies on your own shoulders and that you are indeed strong enough to bear this weight with a positive attitude; and that, if necessary, you can stand alone in doing it. Your task is to heal your wounds now so that you will be prepared to contribute to your own growth and development and, in turn, to that of others.
Continue to reevaluate your decisions as you work through each phase of this breakup. At each step, have the courage to do what is best for you. Be strong-minded and resilient in your efforts to let go. Every decision you make during this time should reflect your awareness of your own power to succeed. Let no one intimidate you. With perseverance you will see your way through all the decisions necessary for getting you back to your normal self.
By drawing upon the power which you have worked so hard at developing, you will be able to meet any eventuality caused by this separation. Be steadfast in your determination to avoid playing the role of victim or martyr. Think of the worst possible scenario in connection with this breakup. Is it that bad? Surely not. The most difficult scenario, that of the process of deciding to let go, is one which you have already mastered because of your inner strength. That same strength is still yours for meeting every challenge that stands before you. Continue to be firm in your decision. Walk forward courageously.

Belief
The measure of success you achieve in the process of letting go will be determined to a great degree by your beliefs. They are the framework upon which you build your future. Your beliefs are the foundation for the shape your life will take from this point onward. As such they must be both solid and flexible. In other words, you must always be sure that the beliefs which form the base of your decisions and actions are strong enough to provide support for the directions in which you are planning to go; and yet at the same time, if these building blocks do not allow for creative self-expansion, then progress will be beyond your reach.
By acknowledging which of your beliefs are beneficial to you right now and which are not, you will achieve two goals; your liberation from the pain of separation and the reconstruction of a healthy base from which to conduct your future course of action.
It is during this time that you must assure yourself that the foundations of your actions are secure and capable of permitting growth and change. Remember that your beliefs predispose you to action; they precede experience. Take this opportunity to challenge your beliefs in all areas of your life. Hold onto those convictions that enable you to maintain a sense of self-worth and allow you to control your own destiny. Change those that you know are preventing or slowing down your progress toward realizing your full potential as a human being.
Focus on where you are now. Analyze those beliefs of yours which have most to do with the process of letting go. Understand that if your beliefs in this process are centered around personal growth and healing, then your thoughts will coincide with these beliefs and will be guided by them. In this way you can actually empower yourself and bring about this growth and healing.
In order to have a more complete understanding of the fundamental beliefs which determine your actions, examine your beliefs with reference to each chapter of this book. By doing so you will be able to identify the underlying beliefs that are hurting yourself and others. Similarly, you will be assured of those basic principles that are essential to your well being and to creating wholesome relationships with other people. And as you make the choice to build upon these positive attitudes, your potential for growth and happiness will expand.

Giving
At this time, it is natural for you to be thinking about all that you have given to that person from whom you are now separating. Not only is this natural; it is necessary, in order for you to establish a better understanding of your potential for future growth. To dwell upon the idea that you gave too much or too little, however, is counterproductive and will keep you tied to the past. You must be able to see the act of giving as being intimately connected to that which you receive in your life experiences.
In order to have a clearer knowledge of the relationship between giving and receiving, you will have to consider what your motivation was in giving something in the first place. Where you feel pain or resentment for what you have given, the guiding force behind the giving was itself negative. It was based upon a calculation of what you expected to receive in return. The benefits of love cannot be calculated. Where you feel genuine joy for having given, it is because your giving was really a sharing of yourself. Giving as sharing of oneself is the very foundation of love.
Your mind should be focused on the spiritual sharing which was the core of your relationship. This is not to say that the material concerns involved in this separation are not important. They are; but they are secondary to your development as a person capable of sharing a life with someone else. And you should treat them as such. If there must be a division of shared material possessions, then go about making this division with a sense of fairness and love.
When you give freely, you are always the recipient. Keep this idea foremost in your mind. As you examine your past, try to recognize the occasions when your open sharing of yourself was the source of your joy and of your sense of freedom. Concentrate upon the experiences in which the love you received was the pure counterpart of the love you gave.
This period of separation affords you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and your potential for giving. Carry the fruits of the experiences you shared in the relationship into your present life. Practice freely the act of giving and of seeing this giving as a sharing of yourself. Life itself is the greatest giver of all. By realizing this, you will be at peace with yourself and capable of giving back to life your greatest gift-yourself.

Self-image
The way in which you see yourself and your relationship to the world around you is the core of the image you convey to your fellow human beings, and lies at the center of the interactions which take place between you and them. Before you can hope to succeed in achieving harmony with the world, you must first confront the task of understanding yourself. This is of course, an on-going process, one in which you have been constantly involved throughout your life. During this period of your separation from a loved one, however, it is absolutely essential that you concentrate on the importance of self-knowledge. The primary energies necessary for your victory over this present crisis can come only from you.
Maintain your self-respect and your sense of self-worth. Your positive qualities and achievements in life to this point have not suddenly dropped out of existence. The awareness you have of your own capacity for working through difficult situations is a priceless treasure at this time. Use it to its fullest advantage. It is a power which you have developed slowly and patiently through many seemingly insurmountable dilemmas, and to lose sight of it now would be to set up a dangerous stumbling block in your life. Know that you are strong enough to make it through this stressful time without losing any of your self-esteem.
It is true that predicaments like the one you are now experiencing are a tremendous drain on the personal resources needed in life to achieve and maintain well-being. Your storehouse of potentials, however, is not a shallow pool. By taking inventory of your strongest qualities and looking at them honestly, you will be able to use what you see in your total self-image as the means by which to get back to the business of your life, your future. At this moment you are actually in the middle of the process of determining the outcome of the separation with which you are now confronted.
Work with the thoughts and beliefs that empower you. You are the only one who can filter out the useless forces from your own conception of yourself, forces such as guilt and self-blame. By concentrating on the best of the elements which make up your total image of yourself, you will be able to come through this experience complete and prepared for your own growth and development.

Fear
In this period of change you are living through you owe it to yourself to remove from your path all obstacles which might prevent you from realizing the new goals you have set for yourself. Fear is one of the greatest impediments to self-realization. And the fear of loneliness is one of the first emotions to be conquered during a time of separation, since it gives birth to a multitude of other fears which can only hinder your progress. You need to understand the nature of fear in order to overcome it. The anxiety you are feeling is rooted in a set of beliefs which are faulty.
One of these mistaken beliefs is that you are incapable of being alone, even for a limited period of time, and that to do so will render you helpless. While it is true that you must confront and understand your fears on your own in order to do away with them, this should not be equated with loneliness. Think of this period as one in which you are allowing yourself the freedom to come to terms with your own reality. This is the time when you must discover your erroneous beliefs and change them, so that they will no longer stand in your way. It is only by converting this fear into something positive that you can truly prevent the separation that fear creates between you and your own true feelings, thoughts and identity.
Fear also feeds upon another illogical belief at a time such as this: the belief that you do not love well enough. Simply stop for a moment and think of the qualities you possess for creating and maintaining meaningful interpersonal relationships and you will see that this fear, like so many, is imaginary. Think of the risks you run if you allow unrealistic fears to block your determination to see your way through this separation with a sense of self-love and a vision of the achievements which lie ahead of you.
Confront those fears which do have true substance. Look at them honestly and determine the course of action within your power for resolving them. These fears should be thought of as a challenge which you are more than prepared to meet.
The overwhelming majority of your preoccupations, however, have no real substance at all. They are the result of faulty beliefs. They are fears which have grown out of your unwillingness to accept your own strength and personal worth. Release yourself from them. Focus on your present reality. Love yourself. Place yourself in harmony with the core of your own spiritual strength and with your capacity to enrich your own life and the lives of others. In order to discover what is true, what is your destiny, you must demand freedom from all fears.

The Future
With every form of adversity comes the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Look upon your future as the bright outcome of the storm you are living through during this time of your separation. Most importantly, you must believe in the positive value of this outcome, which will perhaps require a change in your perspective. If you keep in mind the idea that all things happen for a reason and a purpose, it will be easier for you to create out of your future a positive result of your painful experience.
The future will be happier. Make this your guiding principle. Meditate upon it; listen to the bright messages of things to come. Understand that if you have been capable of getting through the chaos of this separation, you are that much more prepared to be the master of what lies ahead of you. Think in these terms. Give yourself credit for the courage with which you are meeting your present circumstances and accept the fact that this very positive quality of yours is the springboard toward a positive future.
The future is the greatest source of inspiration that you have. It represents an entire world of possibilities. These possibilities are clearly within your reach only if you will develop now the proper attitude toward your own future potentials. Make an attempt to imagine and visualize this future. Set goals for yourself which are stepping stones in the direction of that bright future as you imagine it. Before you now lies the greatest opportunity of all: the chance to realize your own growth and development to its maximum. Think of the experience of your separation as the first stage in the movement toward a better future life for yourself and for those whom you will encounter as you weave the texture of things as they are to be. You are now one step higher in the understanding of human relationships. And that understanding, without a doubt, is the most significant of all in the creation of a meaningful and successful future.
The optimism which is necessary in order to make things happen in your favor lies entirely within your grasp. Your whole future depends upon the attitude with which you approach it. Make that attitude the most positive one imaginable. Remember that your future is everything and that you have the power to make it as bright as you wish.

Oh well....

Hideous!

I know I really shouldn't be too bothered by who my ex-es or ex-dates sleep with. I shouldn't. I shouldn't.

But why is it bothering me so much? Urgh....

It's H-I-D-E-O-U-S!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Happiness does come in some doses

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things:

Breakfast @ La Bodega
Banana Leaf Rice @ Nirvana
Southwestern Cobb salad @ Chilli's
Pralines & Cream
Spider Temaki @ Genki
Kinder Bueno
Chilli sauce in Coca Restaurant
Tako pachi
Toast with kaya and butter & half boiled eggs with teh si
McNuggets
Foie Gras
Long Island tea
Good comedy
Sun bathing
Slow walk by the beach
Road Trip
"As I Lay Me Down" by Sophie B. Hawkins
Radio playing my favourite songs
S-A-L-E
Wearing new clothes
Hot towel fresh from tumble dryer
Hot shower
Overhearing / receiving compliments
Making someone happy
Sleeping while it is raining heavily outside
No queue at the supermarket
First snow
First kiss
Lazy sunday afternoon
New computer / gadgets
McLaren winning
Ljunberg showing us his Arse-n-all!
Increment + Bonus

And then I don't feel so bad....

Waterloo

ABBA!

My my, at waterloo napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelfIs always repeating itself

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo

My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuseI feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you

And how could I ever refuseI feel like I win when I lose
Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo

Friday, June 24, 2005

Dejavu

A puss told me he dreamt of me. This is what it means... according to Dream Moods.com.

Dejavu?

Wha? Wha?

I often wonder.

Wha makes people talk like foreigners when they were only like... err.. 4 months abroad? Not to say they are dating the locals there. I dunno. Whilst some of them do come out sounding alright (still kinda odd), there are many others who are obviously... FAKING it.

Take SALAH B (tm) for example. He has never been overseas (ok, Singapore) and he speaks with a funny accent. It is neither American or England, or Australia for that matter.

I met a guy last night in a seminar. Worked in London, recently relocate (BACK) to Singapore. Funny accent too. I have never lived in London, but his accent is definitely not London accent, unless it's beyond Zone 6. For the record, I stayed in Hendon for 3 days. More often than not, people with funny accent, are strangely arrogant (or downright stupid). In our very brief lunch encounter (less than 1 hour) and in between our seven course lunch, this ex-London-recently-relocated-to-Singapore-self-claimed- high-flying-prick has managed to tell me (or whatever that I have managed to make out of his funny accent):
1. he has a flat in London, which he is renting out now.
2. he bought a flat in Singapore, for SGD800k. Original price paid by the vendor 3 years back was SGD1.2 million.
3. the vendor has some problem and he is telling the vendor off. but he is still buying that flat.
4. he worked in London, and he is fabulous.
5. his mother is from Melaka.
6. his colleague thinks that he will do VERY well in criminal litigation.
7. he is not sure if he will settle well into Singapore. hence he was renting a place when he first "relocate" to Singapore.
8. his current landlord is evicting him from his place.
9. despite what he said in (7), he was educated and brought up in Singapore.
10. his father is also a lawyer. Coincidently, a very very successful one.
11. All white men put lots of soya sauce when they are having chinese food. (maybe only those he knows. I have never seen them doing it.)
12. dessert is more important that the next seminar course. and he refuse to move until he gets his dessert.

By which time, I decided that I shall skip dessert. Save me the calories and the torture of having to listen to his life story. Like... Wha the f***?

I have learnt

After all these years, I have learnt that:
1. you can't make anyone like / love you. No matter what you do.
2. you can't make stalkers / psycho go away.
3. you can't please everyone.
4. when someone offers (expensive) free meals, just take it.
5. when someone offers to buy you lavish gifts, just take it.
6. sex on first date is alright, it is better than no sex.
7. instead of some sweet cute 20-something college boys, you will be better off finding some that can pay for their own bills.
8. you get away a lot if you act dumb. you get away more if u act dumb and you are cute.
9. rather than spending time to please one person, you will be better off spending time to work out to attract everyone.
10. the more you try to please one person, the more he runs away from you.
11. if you call a person more than one time a day, you are pushy and needy. if they call you for more than one time a day, that is caring and concern.
12. doggie style is good.
13. when you are single and need to get off, porn is handy. when you need porn, Princess Willa is handy.
14. everyone has their role in the society. some of them is responsible to be fabulous. the rest are responsible to work hard to woo the fabulous ones.
15. alcohol is good. until you throw out.
16. men can have multiple orgasms.
17. Men ARE jerks. So are boys.
18. Men come and go.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Chronicles of a Drama Queen

In less than 2 months' time. Maryann Duff is turning 27. Officially stepping into the "late twenties" category. Of course it is not as traumatising as getting the BIG 3, but scary enough.

Part I of Chronicles of a Drama Queen ("CDQ") is almost complete. The story started off exciting I must say... but as years go by, Maryann realises that things and people are a lot more complicated than she would imagine or like it to be. It's a cruel world out there and Maryann is jaded, but mostly scared. Scared of being alone, scared of getting involved, scared of getting isolated, scared of getting hurt, scared of missing out on fun, scared of being termed a slut, scared of not finding "the one", scared of failing. In Maryann's earlier years, she is young, innocent and (arguably) pretty. Stepping in her late twenties, she is older, for sure, but not necessarily wiser.

What is about to happen, which will be recorded in Part II of CDQ, is strangely exciting... It's going to be tough, challenging and could turn to be a disaster. There will be more men that will come in, go out of her life. There will be times when Maryann will be hurt, engage in tiresome mind games, and lots of meaningless sex.

Life is an ordeal itself.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Multiple Orgasms

9 oysters, 3 servings of soft shell crab, beef fillet with pate de foie gras, 2 glasses of wine, and lots of other fabulous food. Ab-so-lute-ly orgasmic. AB-SO-LUTE-LY. Oh yeah~~~ Oh ~~~ YES~~~~~

Monday, June 20, 2005

Excuse Me

Imagine this:

Kitty & Princess Willa strut down Hilton's lobby making their way to Sudu, in heels.

Princess Willa: Hey you mortals. Table for 3. Non smoking.
Not-so-cute-Bangladeshi-waiter (in his funny accent): Your highness. Our most sincere apology. But the restaurant is fully booked tonight.
Princess Willa: Do you know WHO I AM?
Not-so-cute-Bangladeshi-waiter nods impatiently. Look at watch.
Princess Willa adjusts her tiara... Long silence...

Princess Willa: I don't care. I am a princess, and I demand to be treated like a queen.
Not-so-cute-Bangladeshi-waiter (in his funny accent): Am really sorry Your Highness. But we are really full today.
Kitty: Would it make a difference if I tell you Maryann Duff is joining us for dinner tonight?

Not-so-cute-Bangladeshi-waiter ran inside. Without a word. Not-so-cute-Bangladeshi-waiter come back with the manager.
Manager wipes sweat and ask: Did you say Maryann Duff? THE Maryann Duff?
Kitty & Princess Willa: Yeah. THE Maryann Duff.
Manager gasps.
Manager: Your table will be ready in 1 minute. We shall clear the area so you will have some privacy. Champagne is complimentary.

The End of An Era

2 boxes of tissue and 5 martinis later (ok ok, it was just a cup of milo), I have finally officially finished the entire 6 season of SATC. About 2 or 3 years later than everyone else, it nevertheless feels like the end of an era to me ... I felt that I have known Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha so well, for so long ...

Satisfied. Nonetheless.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Wish List

I figured I should list down the things that I really want for myself at this point of my life, just in case Brad or Santa read this (I wish it's Brad tho') and my wish may just come true...

So here goes ... in no particular order (except for my baby Brad):
1. Brad Pitt who bottoms
2. A good job with high pay
3. Be ripped
4. Sony Ericsson K750i
5. IXUS 700
6. Fabulous bf with nice ass
7. Having (6) and still getting lots of attention from hot guys whom I will have to politely reject
8. Strike lottery or get some windfall fortune
9. Brad Pitt who bottoms (oh yea, I want you to cum twice).

So Brad, if you are reading this... please leave your contact number.

And of course, I wish for world peace... just as you thought I have missed that out.... Hah!

Dreams last so long

I don't put my wallet in my front pocket anymore.
I will not buy Nokia as my next phone.
I have got 3 versions of "Dream A Lil Dream (of me)".

Friday, June 17, 2005

Breakfast Show

I have never got the luxury of waking up up 9 am in the morning on a Friday morning, and never had the opportunity to watch our very malaysian made Breakfast Show on the 7th station

There are some memorable quotes:

The-apparently-gay-host: Oh, there is football last night. What time is it anyway? 10? 3 a.m.?
The-not-very-blonde-co-host: I dunno.
The-apparently-gay-host: Anyway, let's see the highlights.
[After highlights of Brasil vs Greece]
The-apparently-gay-host: I think it is so much nicer to just watch the highlights. I just can't bear to sit thru the whole match!
The-not-very-blonde-co-host: Well, I think that is true for most games (but I swear I heard she says "gay").

***

[After reporting an earthquake of 5.3 magnitude in California]
The-not-very-blonde-co-host: Is earthquake caused by global warming?
(yeah, blame global warming on everything!)

NOTE: Name of show and tv station has been omitted to protect the identity of the host below. No host has been harmed in the process of this blog.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Mr and Mr Smith

I am in love... all over again...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Is It Me?

There are times when I wonder. I am 27. Been officially out for more than 3 years now. Arguably cute, only slightly chubby and I would like to think that I have a good heart. Intelligent too... well.. almost. What more does it take, to be able to be loved? I have dated ... errr... many people. None of them works out (otherwise I will be happily watching TV or eating dinner with my loved one and not blogging here right?).

K is too naive. F is too campy. D is plain weird. Big B is crazy. C is too needy and bad tempered. Small B is even worse, not to mention looks like shit after a while. A is a moron. M is attached. I is uncertain and manipulative. JW is again uncertain. R just disappeared.

11 dates (as far as I can remember) and endless flings. While it's not me who give up first for most of the "relationships" (if they even qualify to be one), it is somehow traumatising. I am sure deep down they are wonderful people (ok ok, may not all of them). Somehow, as the wise men said, the timing is not right. Yeah... blame it on them, blame it on the timing, blame it on the circumstances, blame it on everything else... but could the problem... really... be ME?

I Am 16 Going On 17

My shag den... in the making...

Every Saga Has a Beginning

Ok... this is not original. I heard it from Fill. This is what he heard after the movie "Revenge of the Sith" aka Star Wars Part III.

Ah Lian: Wah... this movie so geng one...
Ah Beng BF: Yeah lor... very nice ler....
Ah Lian: But then hor, like that sure got Part 4 one lor?
Ah Beng BF: Yeah man!

Fill... speechless & ROTF

Men Are Jerks

Confirmed. Again.