The Art of Letting Go
Found this on the website about a book called "THE ART OF LETTING GO ~ The Journey from Separation in Love to Fulfillment in Life" by Carlino Giampolo. Gonna reproduce it here. This is gonna be a long and boring blog. Well, the beauty of it is, this is MY blog. Yeah! This is my shit:
THE ART OF LETTING GO
Love
Surround yourself with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages following a separation, it is to become your course of action when you realize that love is the key to your control of self and to the door that is opening toward your new reality. Love is what brought you into your relationship and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.
This decision to love must first take effect with reference to yourself and to the person from whom you are separating. You must love yourself for those qualities which brought you into the realm of that other person: your willingness to give of yourself and to take the risk of being hurt. And to love the other person in spite of the pain you are feeling is to allow that person the same freedom you will both need in order to move on. Love is a force that renews us and prepares us for tomorrow. Hatred is a shackle that keeps us tied to the past. Drop the shackles!
The one from whom you have separated will not soon be forgotten, though great distances may separate the two of you. Give the memory of that person the chance to help you by insisting on remembering the beautiful experiences that united you. The painful ones which separated you will need no coaxing from the memory. Turn your anger into love. Take the qualities you found in the other person and develop them in yourself, use them as a way of better experiencing your love for all the others who are important in your life. After all, those were qualities which brought you into love and they are no less worthy today.
Love has no guilt and no boundaries. In fact, it has no definition. Yes, it is the force which takes us out of ourselves so that we may share ourselves with others. Yet it is also the force that leads us into ourselves, so that we may understand and prepare ourselves for the act of giving. You cannot resolve the bitterness and pain of the separation you are experiencing by continuing to dwell on these feelings. Come alive with the force which is the essence of life itself. You are leaving one relationship, one stop in your journey. There is still a path before you. Walk in love.
Strength
Now that you have made the decision to let go, be constantly aware that you have within you the strength to carry out that decision in such a way that what lies ahead of you can only lead to success. Remember that it was your own fortitude which allowed you to face honestly the need for this separation. And your own inner resources provided you with the capacity for going through with the only course of action which could lead you to a meaningful direction for your life. You are now embarking on a time in your life when you will need to make other very difficult decisions. Be convinced that the same inner strength which has brought you this far will continue to enable you to take charge of your life.
It is natural for you to seek the help of loved ones and friends during this trying period. Such help, when offered, should be accepted and utilized by you with a sense of appreciation and love. Keep in mind, however, that the burden ultimately lies on your own shoulders and that you are indeed strong enough to bear this weight with a positive attitude; and that, if necessary, you can stand alone in doing it. Your task is to heal your wounds now so that you will be prepared to contribute to your own growth and development and, in turn, to that of others.
Continue to reevaluate your decisions as you work through each phase of this breakup. At each step, have the courage to do what is best for you. Be strong-minded and resilient in your efforts to let go. Every decision you make during this time should reflect your awareness of your own power to succeed. Let no one intimidate you. With perseverance you will see your way through all the decisions necessary for getting you back to your normal self.
By drawing upon the power which you have worked so hard at developing, you will be able to meet any eventuality caused by this separation. Be steadfast in your determination to avoid playing the role of victim or martyr. Think of the worst possible scenario in connection with this breakup. Is it that bad? Surely not. The most difficult scenario, that of the process of deciding to let go, is one which you have already mastered because of your inner strength. That same strength is still yours for meeting every challenge that stands before you. Continue to be firm in your decision. Walk forward courageously.
Belief
The measure of success you achieve in the process of letting go will be determined to a great degree by your beliefs. They are the framework upon which you build your future. Your beliefs are the foundation for the shape your life will take from this point onward. As such they must be both solid and flexible. In other words, you must always be sure that the beliefs which form the base of your decisions and actions are strong enough to provide support for the directions in which you are planning to go; and yet at the same time, if these building blocks do not allow for creative self-expansion, then progress will be beyond your reach.
By acknowledging which of your beliefs are beneficial to you right now and which are not, you will achieve two goals; your liberation from the pain of separation and the reconstruction of a healthy base from which to conduct your future course of action.
It is during this time that you must assure yourself that the foundations of your actions are secure and capable of permitting growth and change. Remember that your beliefs predispose you to action; they precede experience. Take this opportunity to challenge your beliefs in all areas of your life. Hold onto those convictions that enable you to maintain a sense of self-worth and allow you to control your own destiny. Change those that you know are preventing or slowing down your progress toward realizing your full potential as a human being.
Focus on where you are now. Analyze those beliefs of yours which have most to do with the process of letting go. Understand that if your beliefs in this process are centered around personal growth and healing, then your thoughts will coincide with these beliefs and will be guided by them. In this way you can actually empower yourself and bring about this growth and healing.
In order to have a more complete understanding of the fundamental beliefs which determine your actions, examine your beliefs with reference to each chapter of this book. By doing so you will be able to identify the underlying beliefs that are hurting yourself and others. Similarly, you will be assured of those basic principles that are essential to your well being and to creating wholesome relationships with other people. And as you make the choice to build upon these positive attitudes, your potential for growth and happiness will expand.
Giving
At this time, it is natural for you to be thinking about all that you have given to that person from whom you are now separating. Not only is this natural; it is necessary, in order for you to establish a better understanding of your potential for future growth. To dwell upon the idea that you gave too much or too little, however, is counterproductive and will keep you tied to the past. You must be able to see the act of giving as being intimately connected to that which you receive in your life experiences.
In order to have a clearer knowledge of the relationship between giving and receiving, you will have to consider what your motivation was in giving something in the first place. Where you feel pain or resentment for what you have given, the guiding force behind the giving was itself negative. It was based upon a calculation of what you expected to receive in return. The benefits of love cannot be calculated. Where you feel genuine joy for having given, it is because your giving was really a sharing of yourself. Giving as sharing of oneself is the very foundation of love.
Your mind should be focused on the spiritual sharing which was the core of your relationship. This is not to say that the material concerns involved in this separation are not important. They are; but they are secondary to your development as a person capable of sharing a life with someone else. And you should treat them as such. If there must be a division of shared material possessions, then go about making this division with a sense of fairness and love.
When you give freely, you are always the recipient. Keep this idea foremost in your mind. As you examine your past, try to recognize the occasions when your open sharing of yourself was the source of your joy and of your sense of freedom. Concentrate upon the experiences in which the love you received was the pure counterpart of the love you gave.
This period of separation affords you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and your potential for giving. Carry the fruits of the experiences you shared in the relationship into your present life. Practice freely the act of giving and of seeing this giving as a sharing of yourself. Life itself is the greatest giver of all. By realizing this, you will be at peace with yourself and capable of giving back to life your greatest gift-yourself.
Self-image
The way in which you see yourself and your relationship to the world around you is the core of the image you convey to your fellow human beings, and lies at the center of the interactions which take place between you and them. Before you can hope to succeed in achieving harmony with the world, you must first confront the task of understanding yourself. This is of course, an on-going process, one in which you have been constantly involved throughout your life. During this period of your separation from a loved one, however, it is absolutely essential that you concentrate on the importance of self-knowledge. The primary energies necessary for your victory over this present crisis can come only from you.
Maintain your self-respect and your sense of self-worth. Your positive qualities and achievements in life to this point have not suddenly dropped out of existence. The awareness you have of your own capacity for working through difficult situations is a priceless treasure at this time. Use it to its fullest advantage. It is a power which you have developed slowly and patiently through many seemingly insurmountable dilemmas, and to lose sight of it now would be to set up a dangerous stumbling block in your life. Know that you are strong enough to make it through this stressful time without losing any of your self-esteem.
It is true that predicaments like the one you are now experiencing are a tremendous drain on the personal resources needed in life to achieve and maintain well-being. Your storehouse of potentials, however, is not a shallow pool. By taking inventory of your strongest qualities and looking at them honestly, you will be able to use what you see in your total self-image as the means by which to get back to the business of your life, your future. At this moment you are actually in the middle of the process of determining the outcome of the separation with which you are now confronted.
Work with the thoughts and beliefs that empower you. You are the only one who can filter out the useless forces from your own conception of yourself, forces such as guilt and self-blame. By concentrating on the best of the elements which make up your total image of yourself, you will be able to come through this experience complete and prepared for your own growth and development.
Fear
In this period of change you are living through you owe it to yourself to remove from your path all obstacles which might prevent you from realizing the new goals you have set for yourself. Fear is one of the greatest impediments to self-realization. And the fear of loneliness is one of the first emotions to be conquered during a time of separation, since it gives birth to a multitude of other fears which can only hinder your progress. You need to understand the nature of fear in order to overcome it. The anxiety you are feeling is rooted in a set of beliefs which are faulty.
One of these mistaken beliefs is that you are incapable of being alone, even for a limited period of time, and that to do so will render you helpless. While it is true that you must confront and understand your fears on your own in order to do away with them, this should not be equated with loneliness. Think of this period as one in which you are allowing yourself the freedom to come to terms with your own reality. This is the time when you must discover your erroneous beliefs and change them, so that they will no longer stand in your way. It is only by converting this fear into something positive that you can truly prevent the separation that fear creates between you and your own true feelings, thoughts and identity.
Fear also feeds upon another illogical belief at a time such as this: the belief that you do not love well enough. Simply stop for a moment and think of the qualities you possess for creating and maintaining meaningful interpersonal relationships and you will see that this fear, like so many, is imaginary. Think of the risks you run if you allow unrealistic fears to block your determination to see your way through this separation with a sense of self-love and a vision of the achievements which lie ahead of you.
Confront those fears which do have true substance. Look at them honestly and determine the course of action within your power for resolving them. These fears should be thought of as a challenge which you are more than prepared to meet.
The overwhelming majority of your preoccupations, however, have no real substance at all. They are the result of faulty beliefs. They are fears which have grown out of your unwillingness to accept your own strength and personal worth. Release yourself from them. Focus on your present reality. Love yourself. Place yourself in harmony with the core of your own spiritual strength and with your capacity to enrich your own life and the lives of others. In order to discover what is true, what is your destiny, you must demand freedom from all fears.
The Future
With every form of adversity comes the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Look upon your future as the bright outcome of the storm you are living through during this time of your separation. Most importantly, you must believe in the positive value of this outcome, which will perhaps require a change in your perspective. If you keep in mind the idea that all things happen for a reason and a purpose, it will be easier for you to create out of your future a positive result of your painful experience.
The future will be happier. Make this your guiding principle. Meditate upon it; listen to the bright messages of things to come. Understand that if you have been capable of getting through the chaos of this separation, you are that much more prepared to be the master of what lies ahead of you. Think in these terms. Give yourself credit for the courage with which you are meeting your present circumstances and accept the fact that this very positive quality of yours is the springboard toward a positive future.
The future is the greatest source of inspiration that you have. It represents an entire world of possibilities. These possibilities are clearly within your reach only if you will develop now the proper attitude toward your own future potentials. Make an attempt to imagine and visualize this future. Set goals for yourself which are stepping stones in the direction of that bright future as you imagine it. Before you now lies the greatest opportunity of all: the chance to realize your own growth and development to its maximum. Think of the experience of your separation as the first stage in the movement toward a better future life for yourself and for those whom you will encounter as you weave the texture of things as they are to be. You are now one step higher in the understanding of human relationships. And that understanding, without a doubt, is the most significant of all in the creation of a meaningful and successful future.
The optimism which is necessary in order to make things happen in your favor lies entirely within your grasp. Your whole future depends upon the attitude with which you approach it. Make that attitude the most positive one imaginable. Remember that your future is everything and that you have the power to make it as bright as you wish.
Oh well....
posted by Duff! at 8:10 am
6 Comments:
Yawn! I'm sure there a lot of useful info hidden in there somewhere..
But being the impulsive & impatient dumbass I'm... All I know is not what to do...
"AHHEM
*Fuck around if you must but always avoid your ex lovers friends for they will always regard you as So and So's Ex, leading to disturbing emotions.."
11:54 am
Hell, I'd pick you and your sexy abs - but I have a feeling you're .... straight!
What's happening in this world!
Paul
3:14 pm
Just kidding about the straight part :) But I'd still pick you and your sexy abs.
Paul
3:16 pm
What a great post! You know what helped me get over a lover? "The Power of Good-bye" by Madonna. I LOVED THAT SONG. And the video was pretty awesome too. Thanks for posting such a great topic!
7:06 pm
Found your blog while surfing. It seems pretty random, which is probably why you'd like mine. Check it out if you get a sec. But don't tell me if you don't like it, I get enough of THOSE kind of comments....
11:36 pm
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2:19 am
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