Men Are Jerks: September 2005

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Curtain Falls

It has been a while since I have declared that I am going to leave KL, and I am probably going to be gone for a while. Other than the few years in England, I have always been living in Kuala Lumpur. I grew up here, I studied here, I had my first kiss here, I fell in love here, I got heartbroken here. Most of the people that matter to me in my life are here, and they still are. My favourite curry mee, chee cheong fun and yong tau foo, my favourite gay club (note: it has recently been invaded by trolls), my school, my friends, my family, and home, are all here. Right here in KL.

I am not sure when I will be back... but I know I will be.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And break away

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And break away

Duff! feat. Kelly Clarkson

Duff's Hot 20 (TM)

The Duff's Hot 20 (TM)
Top 20 Positions /Issue Date: September 28, 2005
BEP Dethroned and Green Day Dropped Out Of Duff's Hot 20. Kelly, Beyonce and Ciara Dominate Chart.

1. Through The Fire ~ Chaka Khan (HOT SHOT DEBUT)
2. Since U Been Gone ~ Kelly Clarkson
3. 1, 2 Step ~ Ciara feat. Missy Elliot (GREATEST GAINER/ AIRPLAY)
4. Hollaback Girl ~ Gwen Stefani
5. Oh ~ Ciara feat. Ludacris
6. Slow ~ Kylie Minogue
7. My Humps ~ Black Eyed Peas
8. We Belong Together ~ Mariah Carey
9. Breakaway ~ Kelly Clarkson
10. Jumping Jumping ~ Destiny's Child
11. Black Coffee ~ All Saints
12. Do Somethin’ ~ Britney Spears
13. Don’t Lie ~ Black Eyed Peas
14. Because of You ~ Kelly Clarkson
15. 跳伞 ~ 郑秀文
16. Cool ~ Gwen Stefani
17. Escapade ~ Janet Jackson
18. Goodies ~ Ciara
19. Don’t Tell Me ~ Avril Lavigne
20. Soldier ~ Destiny's Child

The most popular singles and tracks, according to radio audience impressions measured by Duff, sales data compiled by Duff's iPod, iTune and Maryann, and playlists from select non-monitored radio stations.

Duff's Sure Shot: Like You ~ Bow Wow feat. Ciara

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Just Like An Ordinary Sunday

It wasn't just any Sunday. I didn't go clubbing on Saturday night so that I can wake up early enough to have breakfast with my family. Then I followed my dad to my grandma's house to visit my 90 years old grandma, who has been really sick for a long time. I also met my third and fourth auntie (father side) and my auntie-in-law(?) (the wife of my third uncle). The aunties were blabbering non stop for 2 hours, telling me about their lives, their sons' lives, and all the irrelevant stuffs.

Then I ta pau my favourite curry mee, yong tau foo and chee cheong fun from chong hwa hong (Chinese alley?) behind Petaling Street for lunch for my family. Watched TV with my dad, some boring program on Wah Lai Toi and then a short nap. A usual 5km jog before dinner and then stuff myself silly with my mum's cooking. Then TV again with my parents until late.

Sounds like any other boring Sunday... but these are things that I will miss most.

I don't wanna close my eyes,

I don't wanna fall asleep,

Cause I'd miss you babe,

And I don't wanna miss a thing,

Cause even when I dream of you,

The sweetest dream would never do,

I'd still miss you babe,

And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Duff! feat. Aerosmith

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I Want To Be a Manipulative Bitch

It wasn't until yesterday that it occurs to me again that I am really stupid and innocent all these while. I mean I knew that I am kinda stupid relationship wise and very very naive, but it was a huge blow last night.

From now on, I want to be a manipulative bitch. I shall not be available, I shall not care for their feelings, I shall not be afraid to trouble them, I shall not be shy to spend their money. My relationship should be tiring, demanding, I want all the attention, lavish gifts and fancy dinners. I shall have no qualms with breaking any hearts, spending their money, or making them run around me, or crawl if they have to.

Men are jerks.

I drove all night to get to you

Is that alright?

I drove all night

Crept in your room

Woke you from your sleep

To make love to you

Is that alright?

I drove all night

Duff! feat. Cyndi Lauper

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Inaugural Duff's Hot 30

The Duff's Hot 30 (TM)
Top 20 Positions /Issue Date: September 21, 2005

1. My Humps ~ Black Eyed Peas
2. Boulevard of Broken Dreams ~ Green Day
3. When I Come Around ~ Green Day
4. Goodies ~ Ciara
5. Wake Me Up When September Ends ~ Green Day
6. Mr. Brightside ~ The Killers
7. Don't Phunk With My Heart ~ Black Eyed Peas
8. 1, 2 Steps ~ Ciara feat. Missy
9. Oh ~ Ciara feat. Ludacris
10. Don't Cha ~ Pussy Cat Dolls
11. Cool ~ Gwen Stefani
12. Don't Lie ~ Black Eyed Peas
13. Hollaback Girl
14. Do Something ~ Britney Spears
15. Stop ~ Spice Girls
16. I'm Gonna Be Alright ~ Jennifer Lopez
17. Don't Speak ~ No Doubt
18. No Scrubs ~ TLC
19. This is How A Heart Breaks ~ Rob Thomas
20. Say You'll Be There ~ Spice Girls

The most popular singles and tracks, according to radio audience impressions measured by Duff, sales data compiled by Duff's iPod, iTune and Maryann, and playlists from select non-monitored radio stations.

The Duff's Sure Shot: Through The Fire ~ Chaka Khan

Sunday, September 18, 2005

unpacking ... and packing

It is about 10 days away from my last day in KL. lotsa packing to do... I wish I could travel light... there are lotsa baggage that I wish I could leave behind ... some of them are just too heavy... and I am tired.. very tired...

Temple Of Zeus

Today I saw a man with the nicest body working out in the same gym as I. All the definitions are amazing, the arms are huge, and he has the perfectly tanned skin. The catch is, he looks really old. From his face I would say he looks... 40+? 50? Well, I really respect him having that kind of hot body and having that kind of body at that age... But I couldn't help but to wonder... you can have a body like a Greek god, but in reality, will anyone pick Zeus over Hercules?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

iComplete

Yes...

Monday, September 12, 2005

Legend of the Double Shot Hero (Part I)

Part I -- Timely snow

It was a cold winter night. The snowfall this year is extra heavy and most of the streets and buildings are covered by thick layer of snow. All streets in Rainbow Village are dead quiet as there is absolutely no pedestrian in sight. Smoke from kitchen chimneys are clearly visible as all women in the village are busy preparing for a sumptuous meal for their family for the coming winter solstice, while the men are just ... sleeping. Men, are men after all.

Ah Hua, just like any other woman, is busy cooking and preparing festive food when she heard a knock on the door. "Jioh, Ah Meng, move your lazy ass and get the door can or not?" she yelled. Ah Meng, Ah Hua's husband was just lazing around reluctantly went to get the door. There stood a Taoist priest in a dull yellow long gown, full of blood. Alerted, Ah Meng asked "Tao Master, are you attacked by the bandits? Are you injured?" The Taoist priest slowly gaze into Ah Meng's eyes, rolled his eyes and said... "Of course the bandits la. Abuthen what else? Play with my own blood ar? But I have killed them all with my speciality technique One Finger Point and Kun Lun 72 Swords." Ah Meng shows shocked face... "Wah you carry so many swords with you one ar?" "72 refers to the moves, not the number of swords!" "Say properly next time!"

Ah Hua overheard the conversation and came out to greet the Taoist priest. She couldn't help but to notice that although the Taoist priest is already in his mid thirties, he still has flawless skin, tight pecs and firm ass. "By the way, I am Master Mu," the Taoist priest speaks as he turn to look at Ah Lian, "And please stop checking me out. It's pitera, bench press and lots of squats, plus i practice the light kungfu. The leaping and hopping and jumping from branches to branches helps." Ah Hua blushed as she was thinking to herself, wah, this Master Mu really knows what is in my mind... wonder if he knows that I think his nails are nice too. "I do my filing using my sword," Master Mu then added (proudly), " My beauty is not by accident." Ah Hua gasps.

The couple invited Master Mu into their hut. "Jioh, is this the House of Wax?" Master Mu asked as he stepped into the hut. It is Ah Hua's turn to roll her eyes. "Aiyo, winter month ma... never seen wax duck, wax meat and lap cheong before meh?" Master Mu explained that he is a vegetarian so he asked for some taufu and some veg. He needed the protein after his workout... and no, no rice. That's carbs.

After a sumptuous meal, it is time for the Taoist priest to continue his journey. Master Mu thanked the couple profusely for their hospitality. "Ah Hua, I want you to take this bottle of pitera essence. Look at me. My skin is like made of water, soft soft one, I so like to touch it." Ah Hua pretended to be very pai seh to take the gift but without much hassling she took the bottle. "I wish I could teach you kungfu, but you two are just too old to begin to take up any form of kungfu." Ah Meng let out a sigh... and said "yeah, maybe you can teach our son next time." Master Mu happily said, "Yeah, when you have one! I will teach him all my kungfu. All the 72 swords and the One Finger Point." "Great! my son Ah Ser will be back today from his grandma's house," Ah Meng exclaimed. "Shit... me and my big mouth," Master Mu thought, "Yeah I can start teaching him kungfu on his 10th birthday." "Ah Ser turns 10 today." "Duh!"

Just like that, Master Mu has became the sifu of Ah Ser. For the next 6 winters, Master Mu kept his words and came and taught Ah Ser kungfu.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Metamorphosis

I remembered just a few months ago I think I must have been one of the most prudent and practical (spending wise) gay man in KL, or stingy, as you may call it. I have one of the oldest handphone model, I don't wear designer underwear, I don't have many fancy dresses, and absolutely no bling bling. I don't even have a digital camera!

And then I bought this... My favourite toy for a couple of months...

and then (don't mind me) ... which makes me feel sexy wherever I go ... (NB: I look ALMOST like the model of that underwear... only slightly fairer.)

and I got a lil assistance to make me more fabulous:

and finally, I am going to take the last step. Just like any other gay man in the 21st century... I am going to buy this...

Never mind the quality. Never mind the specs. It's chic. And I will be complete.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Don't Look Back In Anger

In a city as small as KL, it is not surprising how often we will bump into our ex-es, ex-dates, or simply someone that we have been dying to bed but failed. More often than not, in a club or other plu hang outs, or even some house parties. Many of them will maintain the distance by giving the acknowledging nod and polite smile, whilst some may come over to flaunt their latest conquest and to brag, on the pretext of catching up.

There is really... nothing much to catch up. I mean, what do I tell him? Like I have got no new boyfriend / dates and I am pretty much the same after you left me / I left you? Then I will have to listen to him talk about how he met his new bf, got a new job and a promotion? What's worse is, why must all of them (in my case, all but one but looks like thrash) look so much cuter and hotter after we stop seeing each other? Why can't they be ~~fat, out of shape and bald~~ the same? C has lost that mass and is more defined now. I has gain some mass and is also more defined now. M has this stupid glow on his face and lost some weight too... and his grin... hmmph!

Well, the thing is... they can't be more fabulous than me. I don't have to keep hating them, and the last I checked, I don't hate them anymore. But I do not have to wish them well either right? The whole idea is... they have be more miserable than me. Like Miranda says, it is a competition to see who dies more miserably. So... for those ex-es and ex-dates of mine who have became thrashy, remain that way. For those who are not, I am catching up soon.

Bittersweet memories

That is all I'm taking with me

So goodbye, please don't cry

We both know you're not what I need

I don't hope life treats you kind,

And I don't hope you have all you've dreamed of

And I don't wish to you joy and happiness

But above all this, I don't wish you love

Duff! feat. Whitney Houston

Fabulousness Loves Company

Saturday night. A long awaited night out with some of my buddies, Jane, Goat (sorry, don't know how to address the goat other than by calling him a goat...), Winged and Kitty. Destination: Liquid. Our very favouritest gay club in KL.

There is supposed to be a re-opening of another club across the town. Tempted to give it a try, but it's supposedly by invitation only. Biggie deal. A friend's friend told my friend that, and he IS ON the list. Wah... even bigger deal. For the record, I know 10,000 other people who are on that list. None of them made a big deal out of it. Besides, to get in is just an sms away. Anyway, the stubborn me thought... well.. we have each other. I mean, even if Liquid is empty, we HAVE each other and that should suffice.

I was wrong. I was so terribly wrong. I think the opening of the other club has pulled everybody who is remotely cute / average looking over that it created a vacuum in Liquid. It would have been ok if it stayed that way.... but it didn't. The vacuum was quickly filled up with trolls. Trolls from varies caves, forest, or god-knows-where just came to throng Liquid. Civilians alert! I was trying so hard to enjoy myself with my sisters, with lots of vodka. I need lots of them. And then they played red blooded Kylie. I remember she still has a pair of boobs when this song was hot. It would have more hot had they played Dancing Queen. Immediately I knew that is the last straw, life is short and as much as I love my sisters... I need to be surrounded by more beautiful people.

And then we were there, in the other club. About 1.30 a.m... we immediately realised what we have been missing out. Almost everyone is there. Old friends, cute old friends, people that I have dated, people that I have wanted to date, people that I have slept with, and people that I would to sleep with. The goat says there is hardly any space for us to dance... but least we could shrug. Yes, we could shrug. I would rather shrug together with 10,000 other cute boys there and do my 1, 2 steps.

Then me and my sisters just shrug together in the club happily ever after.

You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on

Leave them burning and then you’re gone

Looking out for another, anyone will do

You’re in the mood for a dance

And when you get the chance...

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life

See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Duff! feat ABBA

Friday, September 02, 2005

This is me.... then

It has recently becoming more and more apparent to me that time is really working against me. As I aged (reluctantly), I am earning more, I gained my seniority at work,I have mellowed a lot (yes, I was even more hot tempered back then), I have also become more jaded (it is good to be jaded)... but I have also become extremely cynical, my hairline is receding, my eyes look tired and wrinkled (wrinkles adds character but hey, Big Eyes are in!) and I definitely get a lot lesser attention than I used to.

Was hanging out with Jane in Ikano Power Centre on Merdeka Day when Jane suddenly asked... Do you remember how do you look like when we first knew each other? I got to know Jane and many others shortly after I entered the scene in December 2001 . I must have got to know Jane some time in 2002. I tried very hard to visualise the ME then. Then I see a young guy in his prime, all eager and innocent, wearing his best shirt to Liquid every Saturdays (my fashion sense was never great, but I think I was a lot more conservative back then) and most importantly, all FRESH. Back then I could party until wee hours in the morning and still look alright the next day. The zits (if any) will go away in no time. The time when I know that everytime I go to the club there will be guys who will come up to me and ask for my numbers. (For the record, AND YES I AM BRAGGING, I got about 30+ people asking for my number in my first 10 visits. And asking for my number means they actually say, "Can I have your number?" or "Can I call you some time?". Chatting me up doesn't count. I don't have that many fingers and toes to count and keep track. After the first 10 visits I just didn't keep track anymore, yes, I ran out of fingers and toes.). Yes, that was me... then.

And then there is downhill. And a slippery slope.

Dont cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me

Dont cha wish your boyfriend was a freak like me

Dont cha, dont cha

Dont cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me

Dont cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me