g Men Are Jerks: August 2005
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Malaysian boy stuck in Shanghai.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Blogger, Web personals & Reality

I have recently received a message on one of my many profiles created on the gay websites which simply says: "I like your blog. Would you like to meet up?" (not quoted verbatim cos I can't remember the exact words used).

Which, to me, is pretty scary...

First of all. My writing skill is far from fantastic (sharddup! i know!).

I have NEVER won any international writing awards or anything of that sort (you don't say!). Blogging is just something I like to do once in a while since I am serving my notice now and sometimes I am too bored in the office. My topics are also pretty random and plain, it doesn't:

(1) create controversies (nothing about coming out, coming in term with my sexuality, or turning straight); and

(2) record every damn thing I do every damn day (e.g. today, I have a good hair day, then I went to Mid Valley, then I meet 2 cute guys and i saw 3 pairs of nice shoes, nice shoes are good, they are pretty and they make me happy. good hair day + nice shoes = fabulous day. yay! then i meet up some frens, then we eat rice, soup, chicken, fish, pork, everything very yummy, and then i got stomachache, then i go pang sai, then i used up 2 packets of tissue, the tissue is the Scottex ones and it's really nice... yadda yadda yadda).

Me blog is fabulous .... but nothing interesting or special really... Question: He ACTUALLY likes my blog? And how the hell did he manage to find the connection? *play with blonde hair

Secondly, does that mean that guy actually like my blog and what I wrote (which is BORING: refer to abovementioned point) more than my look, my flawless complexion, my killer smile and my ... ahem... washboard abs? I know I have always said that my personality is my best attribute, but hey, it's a gay web personal, give some credit to my physical attributes, will ya? Now I am offended.

Thirdly, and most importantly, since when does it become OK to cross the lil invisible boundary between blogging, web personals and reality?

I have always thought that it would be odd to know the other bloggers in person. Yes, I must admit I may be a lil curious about how the fellow bloggers look like, especially bloggers such as Datin (I am curious how a witty Datin looks like, and if she is really a Datin) and Shigeki (simply because he is ... err... Japanese), and maybe if they are what they potray themselves to be in their blog. Mere curiousity. Do I really want to meet someone who reads my blog? Maybe not.

Bloggers should remain their anonymity... unless of course their entire blog is only about them pang sai-ing, having a good hair day, or the entire blog is not about expressing themselves but pleasing the audience (which I have tried really really hard, but failed miserably). Once the anonymity is lost, I really think it will affect the "freedom of speech". E.g. now I cannot openly criticize some oversized diva who is the third best selling female artist of all time in US, even with the boost from her latest "critically acclaimed" album. Unless of course they are close friends who are "allowed" to read your blog (e.g. in my case, Wingedman -- yes, more links to you, you traffic whore; AJ; WJ; Darn Ed and especially Kitty), who should be able to handle the truth (especially Kitty... again). =)

Call me conservative, but i think there is an unspoken rule here... there should be no intersection between blogging and the real world. In the bloggin world, I shall have a right to rant, moan, whine, brag and talk about me-me-me-me-me all the time, without looking bad or having that reflected on me in person. And please... leave comments here, if any, and not on my web personal. Unless of course you look like Brad Pitt or some hot latino porn stars... if you are, please leave your contact particulars wherever and I will still be more than happy to meet you in person. And yes, I am still shallow.



You're insinuating that I'm hot
But these goodies boy, are not
Just for any of the many men that's tryn'a get on top
No, you can't call me later
And I don't want your number
I'm not changin' stories
Just respect the play I'm callin'
Duff! feat. Ciara & Petey Pablo

posted by Duff! at 8:59 am | 8 Heartache(s)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I wish...

Today, I have been asked what do I wish for this year. As far as I can remember, none of my birthday wishes actually came true except one year when I finally got M into bed. Frankly I do not really believe that a simple wish on one's birthday will really come true... But it got me thinking... what do I really really wish for. Do I wish for that pay raise that I have been whining about? Or do I want that ripped body more? Maybe a winning lottery will be nice.

And then I realise... All those things that I have been whining about doesn't seem to matter that much after all. I could work hard for it if I wanted it bad enough. I could be rich and gorgeous if I work hard for it. I know I can. There is one thing however, that I really really wish for:

I wish my parents will have good health and happiness for many years to come.

It may seems like a simple wish... but for a son that is going to leave home to work, not knowing when he will return, not knowing how his aging parents is coping, not knowing if they have taken their medication, not knowing if their aching backs is worsening or not, not being able to be there for them in case of emergency... this is what I really hope for.

I know I will probably not be able to repay their kindness, ever, in my entire life. I know I am not the perfect son, I have too many flaws. I have tried to make them proud, but I know I have disappointed them in many ways. I love my parents more than anyone else in this world, more than anyone that I will ever love. But I know no one loves me unconditionally and no one will love me and accept me the way they do. Someone that suffers more than me when I was sick, someone who will not go for holidays without me, someone who ensures that I have enough to eat all the time, have pretty clothes to wear and enough to spend. I may be getting a lil emotional here, but same time next month I will be away from home. To an unknown land, to start a new life and starting a new chapter of my life ... without THEM.

I will miss massaging my dad's shoulders whilst he is watching tv. I will miss bringing them out for nice dinners during their birthdays and father's/ mother's day or for no reasons at all. I will miss my mum's version of the entire synopsis for the entire drama series. I will miss the Sunday dim sum. I will also miss all the dramas at home, all the over-greasy food, the curfew and the nagging. I will miss the family dinners that my mum will cook too much and all of us have to stuff ourselves silly. I will miss them for just being there... yes, just being there. Yes, I will miss all these. Every single bit of these.

There is this poem (together with my attempt to translate it) that I wish to share, who those who have read this far:

慈母手中线，
the thread in the mother's hand
游子身上衣。
the clothes on the son that is about to leave home
临时密密缝，
sewing meticulously at very last moment before the departure
意恐迟迟归。
worrying that the son will not be able to return for a long period of time
谁言寸草心，
the love of the son is like small lil grass
报得三春晖。
unable to repay the love of Mum which is like the ever shining sun


posted by Duff! at 8:58 am | 8 Heartache(s)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Backstroke of the West

This is (obviously) not my original post. Came across this blog and it is really really hilarious.

http://americaninlebanon.blogspot.com/2005/07/backstroke-of-west.html

*giggles...

The wish power are together with you

posted by Duff! at 11:13 am | 3 Heartache(s)